I've just looked at some posts from early June and I keep thinking about sugar and the sugar in alcohol and the sugar in my diet. Whilst I feel banning any food is not where I want to go, sugar tends to be a problem substance for me, but behind all that are the feelings I'm trying to deal with.

It's been a while since my last post because I've been pretty much pissed every day and eating uncontrollably. I finally got my act together yesterday. It was my Mum's birthday and I miss her a lot. She died a while ago but I still miss her and I guess I feel bad about feeling that way.

I've also felt like such a fucking failure. I can't lose weight fast enough or do well enough or be funny enough. The house isn't good enough, the garden isn't good enough, I'm not pretty enough, I'm not friendly enough. And I'm under a lot of pressure at work.

I threw out the scales this morning. I can't live like this anymore. I don't want to live like this anymore.

I'm tired. Tired of myself, my life, the same old struggle with the same issues. Nothing progresses.